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Why would anyone want to have anal sex?

For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Butt fucking makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds like a crime! In the 1990's, anal sex has been given the bad rap because HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse. But none the less, some people love anal sex more than any other! Others haven't tried it yet and are curious. Many are attracted to it precisely because it's so taboo, mysterious and can be difficult to approach.

What is anilingus?

If there is part of the body that people enjoy licking, or having licked, it is the anus. The anus has half the nerve endings in the pelvic region and many people find touching it to be sexually arousing. Although we haven't mentioned safer sex yet as part of this series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry many diseases that live quite benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can be harmful in your mouth or stomach. Performing anilingus is a very risky behaviour for a variety of bacterial infections. Refer to the section on safer sex techniques for ways to protect yourself if you or your partner enjoys this activity.

Does anal sex hurt?

Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. With enough lubricant and enough patience, it's entirely possible to enjoy anal sex as a safe, regular and fulfilling part of your sex life. However, some people may never like it, and if your lover is one of those people, respect their limits. Don't force the idea upon them.

Can anal sex actually give pleasure?

The pleasure of anal sex is derived from many things. Doing something "nasty" appeals to many people, especially about sex. Doing something different to spice up a sex life that has become something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical sensations available during anal sex are uniquely different from anything else. The rectum is lined with nerve endings, some of which signal the brain to 'reward' you with good feelings when stimulated. For men, the prostate gland can be a source of powerful pleasure. And for a thrusting penis, the ring of the anus can be a new and strong sensation to enjoy.

What do I need to have anal sex?

The most important pieces of advice anyone can give on anal sex are: lubricants, condoms, and patience. The most commonly available lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless, odorless substance available at most drug stores. Better lubricants include Astroglide, ID, Wet, or ForePlay, some of which are available at better drug stores, and most of which are available in some form at adult toy stores.

Do not buy anything that is oil-based. Make sure the lubricant you buy is rated "condom compatible." Nothing else will do. Oil-based lubricants such as vaseline or baby oil will destroy a condom long before you're done having sex. And many oil-based sub-stances will coat the lining of the rectum, providing a haven for many potential infections.

Do I have to use a condom?

Even if you're sure that both you and your partner are disease- free, you should still use a condom. The rectum is home to lots of infectious bacteria that can cause burning and urethritis of the penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.

I'm worried that anal sex will be messy.

Anal sex should not be messy. Most first-timers fear that it will be, but most people can tell when they have to go. A condom will help with cleanup, of course, and if you're really concerned, a commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand.

How do we prepare for anal sex?

Patience is the third and final thing you need to make anal sex possible. Initial penetration is always the most difficult part of anal sex -- the anus is a tight ring of flesh at the opening of the rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily waste. It is partially under voluntary control, and partially reflexive to stimulation. Your partner has to relax, and you have to go slow to coax it into opening enough to receive your penis.

Start with a well-lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your penis) dildo. The dildo is more realistic, but your fingers can flex and feel what they're doing inside his ass. Slide one finger in slowly, letting him adjust to it. Take your finger all the way out, then push it back in again. Give his anus time to get used to this kind of activity. Then slide a second finger in. Consider how big your penis is and realize that two fingers is probably enough.

What position should we use for anal sex?

For actual intercourse, picking a position can be important. Many guys want to be on top, to regulate how fast penetration occurs. Other like to lie on their stomachs, or crouch doggy-style, or to be penetrated while lying on their sides. Choose what's best before you start.

As always, control yourself. Take your time and use lots of lubricant. People who like anal sex say that "too much lube is almost enough." Listen to him -- if he tells you it starts to hurt, back off.

Eventually, a time will come during your lovemaking where his anus will relax enough to allow the head of your cock to 'pop' into it. If he is completely relaxed, that pop should feel completely painless. Now just because you're inside him is no reason to start pounding away like mad. Let his body adjust. Take your time. Eventually you will both be ready for more.

What if I don't like it?

You may find that anal sex just isn't for you. That's fine. Nothing says that you have to indulge in something that doesn't make you feel good.

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